To all readers who enjoyed the latest Star Wars movie — you may want to take a step back and pretend you didn't see this post. Those of you who thought it was "meh," prepare to change your mind. And if there are any readers who were seriously disturbed by this attempt at a movie, I hope you will enjoy yourself. Don't read it at all if you don't want to see dozens of spoilers for the original trilogy and the newest two movies.
This is not really a movie review, it is a relentless attack on the latest installment in the Star Wars series. I have divided it into different types of reasons why I didn't like the movie: personal reasons (as in, I feel this way but you're welcome to disagree), Star Wars world reasons (rules this film breaks), and movie reasons (simply, things any movie writer/director Should Not Do if they want to make a good movie).
I guess I'll start with things I liked about this movie.
1. I liked the scrolling yellow type at the beginning. It just isn't a Star Wars movie if you don't jump when the music starts.
2. I liked the ice fox creatures. They looked like they came from Star Wars. (Ahem, unlike the animated birds.)
3. I liked... there was something else, but I can't remember it now.
Personal reasons:
I disliked The Force Awakens for personal reasons. TFW was almost a carbon copy of A New Hope, but... not as good. The jokes weren't as funny. The characters weren't as likable. Rey and Finn aren't bad sorts, but they were both very bland. I think in both of the new movies they tried to bridge the gap between the original trilogy by copying the storylines, but make things original by changing the rules. (I.e., everyone is
way more powerful, the force is now a religion, men are useless, etc.).
Sidetrack.
One of the big reasons I didn't like the new movies is that they undo the previous ones. Perhaps it is more realistic that the empire wasn't actually destroyed at the end of #6, but I don't like it. I don't want the old story to be dredged up. "Nope, actually, Luke, Leia and Han did nothing. Everyone is still oppressed. Actually, it's worse than before. The First Order is thoroughly horrible and way more powerful. A Sith came out of nowhere. Also, although Darth Vader destroyed Darth Sidius, forget that, he was evil."
I would have liked the movies much better if they had come up with a new storyline and new villains, and just bridged the gap by using some of the same characters and (hint, hint) the same story rules.
In addition, in the original stories there is very little grey. There is Total Evil (Sidius/Empire) and Unquestioned Good (The Rebellion). That doesn't mean the characters don't struggle sometimes (e.g. Luke in #6 struggles to not be driven by hate, which would take him to the Dark Side). But there is unquestionably a good side and a bad side, and the good characters fight for good. Once again, perhaps this new grayness is more realistic, but I hold that stories are not necessarily supposed to be 100% realistic to earth-life. In the true story of Life, there is Absolute Evil and Absolute Good, and Good always wins in the end. I believe all stories should remind us of
the Story, and if that means Good wins a little more than we see on Earth, fine and good.
I also don't like seeing Luke as a depressed person and Han Solo and Leia separated. It's Not Right and I refuse to believe that this story is what happened.
And then they went and killed Han Solo, and I will never forgive them.
Star Wars Reasons:
As mentioned above, the new series seems to attempt to be like the old ones by copying plots, but changing everything else. The Force gives people surprising new abilities — I don't know, I would think the most powerful Jedi of all time (Anakin/Darth Vader, or maybe Yoda) would be more powerful than a completely untrained girl, another girl who's basically never used the Force, or a random guy who's easily deceived and killed by a teenager.
Also, droids are also more powerful. I'm willing to forgive this, because one could say technology developed further. (Just not autopilot??). However, BB-8 is used as a deus ex machina way too many times. Every time Rose and Finn get in some situation that they can't get out of — oh, how convenient! BB-8 knocked down and gagged five guards, then knocks out another one by spitting coins at him. (???) Or, he drives one of those walker things and starts shooting at people. Droids have never taken so much initiative.
Another thing that goes agains the Star Wars rules: they make a big deal about how no one has been able to track trough hyper space before... Well, except, for twice in the very first Star Wars movie, A New Hope. Hm.
Here are the top four new ways of using the Force, which go against all the other movies:
1. Apparently Leia is related to Mary Poppins. Midway through the movie, her ship gets bashed and she is sucked out to space. Then, her body miraculously still intact, she opens her eyes and uses the Force to will herself back into the ship. Amazing.
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Imagine this, but with less motion and even more fake looking
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2. Rey and Kylo-Ren have this really weird mental connection, where at random moments they can see each other (but not each other's surroundings). We learn later that his is because Snoke "bridged their minds," whatever that means. In previous Star Wars movies, relatives can sense each other's presence or death, and Obi-Wan senses the deaths of millions of people when a planet is destroyed. They do not, however, communicate mentally, and certainly can't sit down and talk to people as if they're skyping.
3. Yoda appears as a ghost and then calls down lightning to light a tree on fire. This is a fantastic example of how the newest movie make the old ones make less sense. If ghost-jedis can start fires, wouldn't that have been useful in Episode V? Obi-wan should have started a fire to keep Luke warm in the snow. Unless this is something that is actually impossible to do with the Force...
4. Towards the end of the movie Luke does a weird thing. He is on his little island, but he projects an image of himself onto the planet where the Rebellion (or whatever they're calling it now) is fighting the Empire (First Order, blah blah). His hologram gives Leia a physical hug, hands her some gold dice looking thing he found on the Millennium Falcon, and then goes and fights Kylo-Ren. Some time during the fight he becomes insubstantial and lightsabers go in and out of him without harm. Because it isn't really him. Except that he gave Leia real dice. Except later they disappear. Does this make sense to anyone else?
5. Powerful people can override the Skype-thing. At the beginning of the movie, Snoke rings up General Hux. General Hux says "I'll take it in my chambers" and starts to walk across the room. Before he can get there, Snoke's massive head appears in front of him. "Good!" Hux says hurriedly. So now, apparently, one can use the Force to control the communication device, even from lightyears away.
I didn't like Snoke. I would like to know where he came from, but I can overlook that. What I can't overlook is the fact that they make him out to be so powerful, connecting minds and whatnot, to a level that is stepping outside the bounds of the Star Wars universe, and yet he is so easily deceived into completely misunderstanding the greasy teenager Kylo Ren?
(Also, the way he walked look so fake and silly; this film really must have been low budget if they couldn't make him look any better.)
I'm sorry, but I didn't really like Rey either. Or, to be more specific, I didn't like the abilities the film gave her. She's had a half hour of meditation training and yet she can fight very well with a lightsaber, conceal her thoughts better than Luke Skywalker, and lift hundreds of tons of rocks seemingly with no effort.
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| Remember when it was a big deal that Yoda could lift this, and the son of Darth Vader couldn't? |
Actually, there's a general trend in this movie of untrained women being able to do whatever. Because I've been to two Air and Space museums, and I'm a female, I could definitely pilot a spacecraft without any trouble. (According to the new Star Wars laws.)
I have nothing against female heroines, but I think it's a problem when females can save men but not the other way around, and untrained women (ROSE) know everything, while the men are bumbling (FINN).
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| Apparently if you're female all this is completely unnecessary. |
I also thought that Rey's parents being "no one" was a cop-out. Excuse me, maybe I could have allowed her to be more powerful than Yoda, Darth Vader, Luke, etc. if she had had some familial connection to one of them. Nope, she's just got lots of magic for... no reason.
It wouldn't have bothered me if her parents were nobody if they hadn't built up to it so much (for instance, no one cares who Han Solo's parents were). But they drag it out soooo much in this movie. "I know who your parents are! I know, I know!" *Thirty minutes later* "I still know who your parents are! Maybe I'll tell you at the end of the movie!"
Movie Reasons:
TLJ wasn't just the worst Star Wars movie yet, it was also a very bad
film. The top eight plot holes/poor decisions:
1. These birds were dumb. They looked completely animated and fake.
2. The whole Admiral Holdo subplot was pointless and made no sense. A) Why did she refuse to tell everyone her plan? There's an unpredictable guy hankering for action. To let him believe that you are doing
nothing, in an attempt to be modest, is a very bad idea. He is likely to do something rash. 2) We have droids that can pretty much pilot ships, but no autopilot? She
had to stay there? D) After planning to sacrifice herself and let the ship be destroyed, why didn't it occur to her
immediately to ram the First Order's ship? How about doing that as soon as everyone is off, instead of letting half the little ships get blown up first?
(Side note: Since when is the Rebellion's technology better than the First Order, so that the big First Order ship can't catch the little tiny Rebel ship? Or why didn't the First Order jump into hyper space right next to the ship, or in front, instead of waiting for it to run out of fuel?)
3. What was up with the strange cave mirror scene? On the island with Luke, Rey more or less falls into an underground cave, sees her reflection on an ice wall, and thinks somehow she'll learn about her parents if she gets close to it. She sees a long line of reflective selves, and is sort of mentally moving along the line of persons, until she gets to the end and sees.... herself. The next scene, she's in a hut on the island, and the episode is never referred to again.
4. The movie was filled with comedy, but all of it happened to be unfunny comedy. I laughed a few times the second time I watched it, but most of those were at parts that weren't
supposed to be funny.
Example: Leia sees her brother after years of absence, which she feared might be forever. The first thing she says is, "I know what you're going to say. Yeah, I changed my hair."
5. Why did Luke make a map to find him if he never wanted to be found and wanted to die on the island?
6. Why didn't Finn get to die? Towards the end of the movie, he is piloting a speeder towards a battering ram thing in order to destroy it, though he will die in the attempt. Suddenly, Rose rams her speeder into his, and they both crash on one side of the ram. She babbles something about love, making it appear that she is the hero in this scene. This really bothered me. Finn is always the bumbling guy, and it would have done so much for his character if the movie makers had let him be the hero in this scene. Either they once again wanted the girl to save the guy, or perhaps they didn't want to kill a beloved character. (Which is poor writing; I personally don't care about Finn that much, but if you
do care about him, that's exactly the sort of character who ought to die!) It would have been so much better if he could have sacrificed himself and gotten to save the day and actually make a difference for the Rebellion.
(Side note: Things are blowing up all around them, but somehow Finn and Rose manage to make it back a mile or so to the cave. How very lucky they are.)
7. Poe drove me crazy in this movie. "This is our chance to take down a dreadnought!" Yeah, and this is The First Order. You don't think they have ten others?
So he was demoted for destroying the fleet. But after committing mutiny he was... stunned. And then put in top command. Seemingly with no punishment or hard feelings. I guess you don't have to have strict rules when you have a very small force and absolutely need the loyalty and dependability of everyone.
8. Have to say, the ending wasn't very hopeful. You have like, fifteen people left, but yay, some eight year olds care (who, incidentally, can use the Force without training)! Maybe in ten years you can try again!
Well, I didn't get to include all the flaws in this movie, but college begins again tomorrow and if I don't post this now, I might never do it.
All in all, I think the writers were just really bad. The budget must have been small, because it was bad.
Finn is a bumbling guy without any development. Poe is a rebellious rebel who can't take orders and cares more about his droid than his friends. Rey and Rose are flat, unrealistic girls without much draw. Luke and Leia are gone, so we all know who the real hero is.
Chewbacca is the real hero of Star Wars. He is dependable, strong, caring, and soft. He may have ripped arms off at times, but he is in more movies than any other living being. (Obi-wan and Yoda are in the same amount, but only if counting their ghost times; R2-D2 and C-3PO are in more but aren't beings.) If I go to see the last Star Wars installment in theaters, it'll be to see Chewbacca.
